7 Tools for Getting Through Difficult Times

Updated June 2026

There are times in life when the circumstances we find ourselves in are ones we didn't choose. Whether it's professional uncertainty, a difficult relationship, a loss, or simply the weight of a world that feels increasingly unpredictable — it's easy to become overwhelmed by unhelpful narratives and difficult emotions like anxiety, anger or hopelessness.

Whatever you might be wrestling with, the tools and practices offered here can help you gain new perspectives and become more resourceful during any challenging time. They're drawn from my work as a coach and from the principles of ontological coaching — which recognises that our thoughts, emotions and physical state are deeply interconnected, and that shifting any one of them can shift all of them.

1. Just Breathe

Before you start assessing anything, breathe. It's such familiar advice that we can easily overlook how powerful it actually is. Deep breathing activates the body's parasympathetic nervous system — turning off the fight, flight or freeze response, lowering heart rate and blood pressure, and releasing tension in muscles. It's genuinely difficult to breathe deeply and stay anxious at the same time.

Try this simple exercise — I call it 4x4 breathing:

• Inhale deeply for a count of 4

• Hold for a count of 4

• Exhale for a count of 4

• Repeat several times

Note: stop if you feel dizzy.

2. Do an Inventory of Facts vs Stories

As humans, we are meaning-making machines. We constantly seek to make sense of our experiences by filling in the blanks — creating stories to predict what might happen next. The problem is that we can fall into the trap of believing our stories are real, especially when we're anxious or overwhelmed.

Ask yourself: what are the actual facts here? What is a story I'm adding on top of them? The simple act of separating the two can bring immediate relief — and create space for more helpful thinking.

3. Ask: How Could I Be Wrong?

Once you've identified a story that isn't serving you, ask yourself: "What do I believe — and how could I be wrong?"

Force yourself to generate two or three alternative possibilities. If your story is "everyone at work thinks I'm not coping," what are three other possibilities? Perhaps most people are too preoccupied with their own challenges to notice. Perhaps some are quietly rooting for you. Perhaps the one person who seems critical is projecting their own anxiety.

None of these may be the truth either — but the exercise reveals something important: your original story was just one possibility, not a fact.

4. Identify What Is Within Your Control

When difficult things happen, it's easy to fixate on everything that's out of our hands. But within any situation — however constrained — there are always pockets of choice.

Being made redundant may be out of your control. Whether you spend the following week paralysed or take one small step toward what comes next is not. You can't control the difficult conversation that's coming. You can choose how you prepare for it, and how you want to show up.

Shifting your attention toward what you can influence — even something small — moves you from feeling like a passive subject of your circumstances to an active participant in them.

5. See the Context for What It Is

When we're in the middle of a crisis, everything can feel personal, permanent and overwhelming. It helps to step back and see the context more objectively.

Difficult and highly charged emotions — anger, anxiety, hopelessness — are normal responses to difficult circumstances. They don't mean something is wrong with you. They mean you're human. When we can name that — "of course I'm feeling this way, given what's happening" — we create a small but meaningful distance between ourselves and the experience. That distance is where our capacity for creative thinking lives.

6. Reach Out

One of the most powerful things you can do when you're struggling is to tell someone. Not to be fixed — just to be heard.

We are wired for connection. Isolation amplifies difficulty; connection diminishes it. If there's someone in your life you trust — a friend, a colleague, a family member — consider reaching out. And if what you need goes beyond what a conversation with a friend can offer, consider working with a coach or therapist. Asking for support is not a sign of weakness. It's one of the most resourceful things you can do.

7. Accept What You Cannot Change

Acceptance is not resignation. It's not giving up or deciding that things are fine when they're not. It's simply the act of stopping the war against reality — and redirecting your energy toward what you can actually influence.

When we fight against what is — when we insist things should be different — we exhaust ourselves without changing anything. Accepting our circumstances, and our emotions, allows us to move through them rather than being stuck in them. As the Stoics understood: we suffer more in imagination than in reality, and much of our suffering comes from our resistance to what already is.

Food for Thought

• If you're feeling anxious, what story might be at the heart of it? What are two or three other possibilities you haven't considered?

• If you're struggling with frustration or anger, can you give yourself a breath of compassion — and accept that you're simply where you are right now?

• If you're feeling hopeless, what possibility might you be closing off in that mood? What small thing could you do next?

• Who could you reach out to today?

• What one thing — however small — is within your control right now?

In Summary

The world can feel overwhelming at times. But by staying mindful of the role our perspective plays in how we experience our circumstances — and by using practical tools to shift our thinking, our emotions and our physical state — we can move through difficult times with greater resourcefulness and grace.

You don't have to figure it all out at once. Just take the next small step.

If you'd like support in developing greater resilience, clarity and self-awareness — whether in your professional life or your personal one — I'd love to have a conversation.

Find out more about life coaching here or leadership coaching here — or simply get in touch for a complimentary chemistry session.