Rumination vs Reflection: How to Tell the Difference and Stop Overthinking
You've been thinking about the same situation for hours. Maybe it's a difficult conversation, a decision you regret, or a conflict that won't resolve itself. You tell yourself you're just trying to work it out — but somehow, the more you think, the worse you feel. Sound familiar? If so, you may be ruminating rather than reflecting. The two can feel deceptively similar, but their effects on your mental health and resourcefulness are worlds apart. Here's how to tell the difference — and what to do about it.
“Rumination refers to the tendency to repetitively think about the causes, situational factors, and consequences of one's negative emotional experience (Nolen-Hoeksema, 1991). Basically, rumination means that you continuously think about the various aspects of situations that are upsetting.”
- Psychology Today: Problem Solving Gone Wrong
“Reflection: to think carefully, especially about possibilities and options.”
- Cambridge Online Dictionary
Rumination increases likelihood of developing anxiety or depression
A study conducted in 2013 by the University of Liverpool found that traumatic life events are the biggest cause of anxiety and depression, but how a person thinks about these events determines the level of stress they experience.
The study analysed the responses of over 32,000 participants, aged 18 – 85 years, who completed the BBC’s `Stress Test’.
The study – the biggest of its kind in the UK – found that traumatic life events were the single biggest determinant of anxiety and depression followed by a family history of mental illness and income and education levels. Relationship status and social factors made smaller – but still significant –contributions to stress. However, the results revealed that a person’s thinking style was as much a factor in the level of anxiety and depression a person experienced.
Overall, the results found that rumination is one of the two key thinking patterns or psychological processes that lead to anxiety and depression. The good news about this is that it’s possible to change your thinking pattern. The first step in making the change is developing an awareness that you’re ruminating, because you can’t change what you’re not aware of.
How can you tell when reflection turns into rumination?
Learning to identify the difference between rumination and reflection involves looking at three elements that you take with you wherever you go: your thoughts, your emotions and your body. These three areas combined make up what it is to be a person - they form your ‘way of being’ in the world. By paying close attention to what’s happening to you in each one, you can learn to notice when you’ve slipped out of reflection, calm activity, and into rumination, which as research shows, is pretty toxic.
Let me illustrate what I mean
I was lucky enough to discover the difference for myself one morning when doing my daily practice. My daily practice is a quiet time that I spend connecting with myself – watching my breathing, noticing what’s happening in my body, exploring what’s going on with my thoughts, and observing what emotions are coming up for me. On this particular morning I was aware of thoughts around a recent conflict drifting into my mind. I observed them with interest and noticed too that my body felt relaxed. I was calm and at ease. As each thought arose I gently waved it away and returned my focus back to my breathing, but one thought in particular kept coming back so I decided to pay it some more attention.
At first, I was able to look at the thought in a detached way. I wondered about the dynamics around it. I felt curious about this earlier conflict which, at the time had been uncomfortably visceral and intense, but now felt distant. It was as though I was looking at it through the glass of a bell jar – I could see it clearly and circle around it, exploring its various parts in an objective way.
Then something in me starting shifting. The sense of peace that had been present evaporated and instead I felt a rising tension taking it’s place. I became aware of anger and resentment as well as sadness rising in me. There was a corresponding ache in my throat and my breathing had become contracted. Only now could I contrast with my earlier, easy breaths. I became aware of a pinching tightness in my lower back.
As I kept mentally pacing around the conflict, the peace I’d felt and the ability to cleanly examine it neutrally had disappeared. It was at this point that I realised I’d slipped out of reflection and into rumination. The differences were marked. The reflection was light and steady. The rumination hot and churning.
Here’s how reflection might look different to rumination
The key with understanding what’s happening for you with something like this, is firstly learning to observe yourself closely.
Reflection
Thoughts: neutral or factual e.g. “Even though I don’t agree, what’s happened has happened”, “I wonder why she did what she did?” or “That’s interesting”.
Emotions: accepting, peaceful or curious.
Body: at ease, no tension or flexing / clenching in the muscles, effortless breathing, aligned posture, open chest, relaxed jaw, no ‘hot-spots’ or burning intensity anywhere.
Rumination
Thoughts: negative, loaded, emotionally charged e.g. “It’s so unfair”, “How dare she?” or “I’m going to make her see she’s wrong”.
Emotions: resentful including intense sadness (fighting the facts that have happened and can’t be changed).
Body: ache in throat, tightness in lower back, shallow breathing, hunched neck and shoulders, churning in stomach and chest.
Getting granular like this allowed me to see how rumination took me from an open-minded, oxytocin-induced state to a closed-minded cortisol and adrenalin-fuelled one. This affected my cognitive ability, reducing my ability to think clearly, and instead, took me to an emotional and irrational state. I was less present when ruminating and felt at the mercy of my emotions and thoughts. Looking at it like this, it’s easy to understand how spending a lot of time ruminating can lead to anxiety and depression.
Steps to shift out of rumination and back into reflection
With awareness and application I was able to shift out of rumination and back into reflection. Once you've noticed you're ruminating — and awareness really is the first and most important step — here are some practical ways to shift out of it:
1. Change your body first Because your thoughts, emotions and body are deeply interconnected, changing your physical state is often the fastest way to interrupt rumination. Straighten your posture, take three slow deep breaths, unclench your jaw and relax your shoulders. These small physical shifts send a signal to your nervous system that you are safe, making it easier to return to a reflective state.
2. Name what's happening Simply saying to yourself "I'm ruminating right now" creates a moment of distance between you and your thoughts. You become the observer rather than the participant — which is exactly the quality that characterises reflection.
3. Ask a different question Rumination tends to circle around questions like "Why did this happen to me?" or "What's wrong with me?" These questions have no useful answer and keep you stuck. Try replacing them with "What can I learn from this?" or "What would I do differently next time?" — questions that are forward-facing and genuinely answerable.
4. Set a time limit Give yourself a defined period — say 10 minutes — to think about the situation. When the time is up, consciously redirect your attention to something that requires your presence, whether that's a task, a conversation or physical activity.
5. Work with a coach Rumination is one of the most common patterns that brings people to coaching. A coach can help you develop the self-awareness to catch rumination earlier, and the practical tools to shift out of it more quickly and consistently over time.
If you recognize yourself in this post and find that rumination is affecting your well-being, your work or your relationships, coaching can help. I work with people to develop the self-awareness and practical tools to manage their thinking more effectively — so they can spend less time stuck in their heads and more time living and working the way they want to.